I think this one will be a list that I'll keep adding to (also for ease of reading). There were tons of things I would have liked to know before having Baby. I hope I can recall them all. Here they are:
How badly my nipples would hurt from breastfeeding - as if you were to buy new hiking shoes, put them on in the store, walk out of there and go for a three-week hike of 20 miles a day without socks on - and how long they'd hurt for! It only started to get better after about six weeks. I did have a baby that cluster fed though, that might have had something to do with how long it took (the nurse in the hospital had said it'd take two weeks, two weeks, hah! A friend gave me a more likely prognosis of four weeks, well, six it was, and it was not over then, just starting to get better (before getting worse again)).
Just how painful giving birth can be - granted, that is a tough one, as I am still struggling to find the words to describe it. Utterly excruciating just does not do it justice. It would take Shakespeare being a woman to come up with a proper word for it in the English language. Not that I found one in German or Arabic either.
How things would not stop being painful after giving birth, when everyone told me I'd be floating on Cloud No. 9. I was more underneath Cloud No. 1 that was dumping a hail storm on my belly in the form of excruciating after birth pains. That went on for days, days! I now hear those ones get worse with every baby you have... Something to look forward to...
How I would not be able to sit for weeks, and not without a cushion for weeks after that.
How I would do nothing other than taking care of Baby for the first entire year. (Well, people actually did tell me that one, but I simply did not believe it, I thought they are exaggerating...) I have heard of Mums who do get time to themselves, either because their baby stays with other people (mine still does not, at 11-months old), or because their babies sleep by themselves (like in a bed, all alone!!) and they get to do something in the house during nap times. (Truth be told, I do get to work during nap times, albeit in bed, with Baby latched on and me breaking my neck in the attempt to simultaneously lie on the side and type on my laptop).
How long it would take to physically recover. It took me eight months, two out of which I was excessively hiking in the Irish hills to get back into a semblance of my former shape. All you ever hear is that you should rest for four to six weeks for your body to heal and you'll be fine. Well, it takes a lot longer than that.
How long it would take me to be able to just walk around the block again - I think something around 2.5 weeks, and our block is not that big, we are talking five minutes at a normal pace.
Just how shit I would feel post-partum.
How shattered I would be, physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
How this would not be the happiest and most beautiful time of my life, but rather the hardest and most awful, and that that is completely normal and there is nothing wrong with me.
How traumatising giving birth can be.
How you don't only have post-partum if you can't smile at your baby (I really thought that that was a key indicator).
How two days after giving birth, a whole range of my old issues was thrown up again, things I thought I had long dealt with in various years of psychotherapy.
How it makes sense to find a therapist the second your intuition tells you there is something not quite right, rather than waiting for things to magically get better when Baby turns 12 weeks old.
How there would not be a rush of happiness once I had Baby in my arms, that I was completely numb, that I had nothing left inside of me after giving birth.
How normal it is not to enjoy any of it for the first many months because you are simply too exhausted, your whole life has been turned upside down and it takes a lot of getting used to.
That it would not be love at first sight, that love needs to grow, and that that is completely normal, too.
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